chekehe mehe.

I want to die.

I managed to somehow sleep through my alarm at noontime, because i slept at 7:45am?.. I woke up at 3:something when some guys started their assault on the plywoods and metals outside my pad. I gasped when I saw the time — I have to be to work by 4:00pm, and no way was that going to happen. I thought about skipping the shower, but a quick body sniff told me that wasn’t really an option. I got out of bed, threw on the one slipper I could find and ran into the bathroom, banging my ankle on the door frame on the way out. Ow.

After taking the fastest shower of my life, I bolted out of the bathroom, naked, and stopped dead in my tracks when I came to receive a text from my Steamy McDreamy! What’s new? [i also realized my phone clock has gone beserk, i'm early for work, ouh, what has gone wrong baby?]

Then i tracked backed my sent items, then went the eeww look in my face.

My eyes couldn’t bug out of my head anymore, and my mouth fell open. I stood there, frozen, until my eyes flickered downward and I realized that I was completely naked. and i’d rather be getting my ass to clothe up than think of a comeback to the sms, this always happens anyway.

so there. i’m at work. but lastnight’s conversation with Wati and him is a bugger. it kept running through my mind. in full details. i didn’t even know where i got the courage to nag at him on his current voluntary-i’m-in-it issues. i was on top of the urge of just letting him know how he is reflecting to me, and how his baggages are to me, and chekehe mehe [which Wati took to note that it means Blah Blah or Yada Yada]. With my damp hair dripping on the airnook, i remembered crying early this morning when i shut the door, literally it, and the door to the whatever-i-am-with Steamy McDreamy. and then i remember him telling me to decide when my mind is clear and only after i sleep.

To be honest, I hadn’t really given the question much thought. I feel comfortable with him, that’s for sure. No weirdness or anything. And hello? We’ve been seeing each other for like what?months and months and counting…and getting surprised with the inner us by the minute. or maybe he’s becoming too family to me i can just burst at anytime, having him to just nod and not show atleast one bit of remorse or anger. he always gives me this one eyebrow-up-look half smiling. he’s just basically it. he spoils me. i nag and whine at the top of Mt. Everest, and he’s just there, down there, looking at me, not contradicting. he’s just really, probably like that. so i zip on that department. and now, i’m studying over the case that i cannot be inlove with someone who can’t hold me in the neck and tell me to shut up, coz i know, sometimes, or most of the time, i go overboard. i can really be bad, and i can’t be with someone who doesn’t stop me at that. right? i mean, OTL has been good than ever, but when i really get to his nerves, like unintentionally, beacuse sometimes my being a scumfreak comes out naturally, i shiver, because there would be something coming up, maybe a quick not-so-exciting trip to the pool or basically a shout-back. and that builds me. and then i learn. but hey, so much of past. i learned from it, and learning more now, the very different way. ouh, i cracked my bad ankle, bigger ow.

Steamy McDreamy that he is. after all the fugly conversation, or should i say, my Impromptu Speech showcase for him, he’d still kiss me. he’d still hold me. Some things are jsut meant to be just rolling as it is. coz if you stop it, forcibly, it might not be gud. specially that i have a bad ankle now. it will stop when it has to. but for the mean time, it’s better that this be hangin, like a mistletoe. it’s christmas anyway. haha!

and whatever is beyond, we’ll cross the bridge when we get there, or burn the bridge. or maybe we’ll jump together, sometimes, crossing the bank is fun when you put a li’l swim to the journey. right?

There are questions, that are better off unanswered. Feelings that should be forgotten for good. Just to keep something much more precious. and whatever it is, not all may have experienced, not all may have pigged themselves to it, but can be very special in one way or another.

This is the time that i feel so loved by myself, or that i really love myself.. when i just know how to let go of something that makes me unhappy.

Eng, Jon a.ka. Jiwils and myself made plans to hang out today and munch over Roma Mia with Jon having to take care of the bill. but i guess we’re postponing it for the weekend and I got started with my workday. It was actually an interesting one. A bunch of nuns who blog, and one who was found out by a bishop and is facing excommunication for saying that she sometimes feels tempted to ignore her vow of celibacy. wow that people.

I just got my nails done by Yvez. and it looks ok on gold. matches my bag. The team is off for the local 24hour McDonald’s in roughly three hours. i can’t wait to stuff my mouth with french fries. i am not depressed but i need some oil. once a day starts with good ol’ cholesterol, i’d be digging for more. so i hope, Abuhan closes. i gave a bit of a hard time breathing today. but i can’t die with that. i can’t die because of a bone-marrow slurp!

I still want to die, though.