the night that resulted to a lot of my very own “How?”

friday. drinking sesh at the pad.

then almost halfway the third hour, everything went not OK.

battery flying, SIM card bouncing, cellphone broken.

then, the outside area became the scene for awhile.

then back inside.

my margarita? spilled. the bottle puking the liquid.

and then, the bottle? smashed into his forehead like a soccer ball banged to be on the goal.

then the outside.

we walked that way, trying to atleast catch the taxi where she might have hailed to somewhere.

but the real catch? she was hiding just near the gate that we din’t care to notice.

i was sitting with my head on the table trying to get a nap while they’re talking.

yes, a nap? a shut-eye for a quick moment, trying to convince myself it was jsut a dream,a bad one.

but it wasn’t.

next. we were inside again.

this time, the room was semi-cleaned up, but still looking horrible with full cast of hothead people.

there were silent screams, unecessary smiles, angry well-deep eyes, words unspoken, confusing details, trapped opinions. 

one big bite on his upper left chest made a silent second.

then back to the chaotic aura.

clutched fists hitting the walls with no hesitations.

then the bed. the rest to a healthy slumber. but that’s just wishful thinkin,

nothing seemed to ooze down the tension,

everyone was trapped into the pretension of wanting it to end.

i was calm.

but i was angry. i was sick of the whole thing, my patience was a bit frustrated.

though i din’t have time to shout, i just stayed calm.

and then, another set of flying shoes and socks.

walking out and coming back barefoot,

grabbing of full beer bottles,

bidding sad angry goodbyes. everything was not the way it should’ve been.

i was thinking of a happy time, but fate has it’s own steer.

and that was it.

next thing i knew, i was sitting at the corner of my bed,

solemnly accepting what has happened,

solely forgetting the root of the cause. there’s no time for that.

i was just there staring at the shirt of the guy who went home topless,

stared at the clustered meringue, the smell of margarita in my nose,

the taste of beer in my tongue, the confused mind, the now silent space.

trying to fight back the event in my mind, but slowly swallowing it to my system.

it’s all done, all gone.

the person i believed in so much,

the person i cannot gauge how much payback be needed,

the person i looked up on with full respect.

is the friend i said i would never talk to ever again.

i dunno if i just said that, that night.

tell me, how does everything get back the normal way?

how do you erase such a disaster? how do we forgive each other? how does it even begin again?

how do you end a friendship with someone close? someone who believed in you rather than to his bestfriend,like i thought so. or maybe is true.

how do you just let go of something so nice, so worth it, so fun?

how do you leave it to history?

should you? or should you not?

how do you say sorry? truthfully.

will silence heal the wound?

or will numbness be a better idea?

how do you take back a judgement you knew wasn’t necessary to say out loud?

how do i take back the accusation? the comparison?

the wrong belief for that entire night?

how do you let someone know, you are saddened?

how will i convince myself that the past has nothing to do with what’s going on?

how will i satrt accepting that’s it’s not gonna be happy all the time?

how? the putang inang HOW’s..

letting go of the morning king, welcoming my bedtime hero.

today is not boring.

it’s easy.

easy like sunday mornings of year 2004.

waking up with the smell of dew, and fresh sunbeam flashing

through One True Love’s window.

the putang-inang mga mornings.

with you, my morning king.

your highness is my highness.

in your jersey with the patch of your beautiful never-been mine-and-will-never-be-my lastname.

seeing your arms tug the pillow loose.

the blankie almost separated from your body.

your hair, etched like combs were not invented.

the air that goes in and out of your nose, makes me happy,

every morning, you are alive,

by my side.

i am letting go.but i will miss the mornings.

you will always be the morning of my life.

NOTE: please tilt your head.

          i took advantage of the sunbeam on one of those mornings with him.

read and you’ll know.

Bullet points and me.

• unpredictable
• papa’s demoted Princess
• xspoiled brat
• still a brat
• im a mom
• i cried at SM yesterday, my uncle dint get me the Guess blouse.
• i have weird tantrums. you dont wanna mess with me at those times.
• my bedtime wants: a back rub. sulk under the sheets. i ask it from someone im comfy with.
• i love horses.
• i love uneccesary things, f*ck. impulsive explosive buyer.
• i love sleeping. tulog. gotch. gotchiwa. gulotch. basta sleep.
• ganahan kog Thursday ug Friday coz it’s work-off’s
• plus the beer on thurs and fri.
• i fake it sometimes. kapui naman gud.
• mind-reader that i am, hehehe. buot buot nah!
• i sing in the bathroom. out loud. “you’re my all-time lover,touch by touch…”
• i wake up at 4a. like i have a choice?
• i want to take a leak now.
• deranged student, i hate school.
• i smoke like hell, but i envy those who doesn’t. seryoso nah.
• im falling for..
• that stuffed big bear in Ayalasang.
• i love chubby people. or only one chubby person. pwede mag laslas.
• i love sinugbang pork belly.
• calamsi nga sagul sa toyo nya onions nya kamatis.
• pakshet.
• i love to ♥ . and when i love, bahala mag kina-unsa,basta gugma.
• i say yawa, ahtaia, kapa mo, yati most of the time. pero trying to forget
• i learned the word Calambre from mich datoc. hahaha!
• Andy Calingin is a good friend. naglaag silang Mich, An ug Shang nga wala ko, so i told him “ di namu ka parehag nawung ni Oyo Boy Sotto,jowk ratu.” *evil grin* kay nasuya ko. yawa!
• Andy is in manila daw. nagtext siya.
• I miss abet. nakoi belt para niya. bunalan nako siya. har har har gitika ko.
• i miss BabyZizou. permi. hapit nako mabuang sa kamingaw.
• I hate waking up late at night just to turn off the freakin a/c.. sahay di maantus ang kabugnaw.
• i made a blog for Abet, and he was like “hey cool.. howd you do the site?”
• Hungarian Sausage from Tsinoy Fushion [skyrise] and Mint Leaf [in bukidnon] rox.
• lami kaayu ma tulog.
• ug mag haguk.
• hug hug hug hug hug, i likeee..
• naa koi friendster, kaymaoman tunguso sauna. naa pud koi xanga,hi5 and myspace. i have a multiply na gani.
• i miss my Kuya Doki. sigeg ka busy sa hospital, wa na noun mi quality time. the bayut salesguy said to kuya : “Sir, kaila kay Imalia Fuentes?”
• si Mitzil hapit na nako ipa Bombo Radio. nawala man gud. aha naka teh?
• i was drinknig with Gwelym at HapJaps yesterday.
• nagkita mi ni Papot after 10years. murag 10 gyud. so, a decade nuh?
• Si pope quinto. the best ang text one time : “kit aha naka? yawa.” so ana lang mura sag naa siya sa cebu nuh?
• I lost alotta pounds.
• Jed Ongking: “let me know when you’re 110lbs.”  so ana lang. nuh? 110lbs. ug ingnun na nako siya.
• I love dead airs!
• I am a TM. Team Member! wa lagi mupalag.
• Si Julius Caesar Bawasanta.. ang nag motivate sa ako to work the Fats out.
• im very witty.
• street smart.
• im a cowgirl.. Ü
• i’m goin to Starbucks unya.
• I got myself prego with a monster.
• nightmare is a shock, when the cast is so gwapu,pero killer sa damgo. ahak
• si norina sigeg ingun ug Ukoi.
• two gay friends makes my pad gay.
• i have a blog. dito. keekit.wordpress.com
• i do not have a love life now.
• dili ko PDA. har har
• i met a new friend. si Maika
• im going home to cdo soon. with a gun in tow. i have a liscence to carry, so zip it b*tch.
• Marlboro Gold is mala.
• Winston is the xbf of my mouth. Marlboro menthol is the current bf.
• ug ang lips ni .. ya ..
• “yuck bastos” by Josh bayut na ukoi .. kempeternz!
• i need a soldier.
• i love all my jeans. they’re all Levi’s. hahar.
• Pump is a crazy place.
• kempet.
• Si Francis, nag text lasnight. ngitag laag. kapuy.
• the bean bag in my room with Mickey and Minnie is my recreational area.
• i love pancit canton.
• i love coke. my tummy hates it.
• im logging out in 25mins.
• i’m sleeping afterwards.
• gi lud-an ko sa kung self lastnight 06.18.2007 pasakay kaayu ko.
• 12:37am 6/19/07 avaya time .
• yawa. nilagput akung laway.
• pangit akung tupad karun. si Josh Diyosa
• i am not sinungaling.
• “Tang ina pare dude, punta tayung Warehouse mamaya.” tha’s so in Manila. shet. am i going? yes, to sleep.
• i paid rent lasnight. bye moolah!
• i’ll continue this next time.
• hey, i din’t mention your name coz you’ve been all over me the past few days.
• me and you and you and me. cuddle.

My Parekoi. the original.

The picture contains this hot *ssssss* kid. Hot na pare. Hot na boy koi… parekoi.

fixin’ my all-time fave Nissan Patrol, the classic.

This rancher, this cowboy, this bugoi, has been overly spoiled by me.

a belt, when i return would match his tattered jeans and muddy cowbee boots!

the belt, i bought for my parekoi. Ü

*sigh*

watching asses running ..

boys are players.

out on the field.

it’s nice to watch them run wild.

Wild, with their bunchful of imaginations, truckloads of fantasies in their coco.nut.shell.

nice to watch them run wild.

nice to watch them stumble, nice to watch them in the mud.

nice to watch them and realize they are all the same. all the same.

prove me wrong. if you can. poison me into your unique wilderness if you’re not like the rest.

now, i am laughing.

laughing, like noone’s watching.

*one eyebrow up and a sarcastic smile*

Kudos to my bedtime hero

scratch my back softly. pekpek my butt cheeks. turn the iPod to another music. embrace me when i feel cold. hug me anytime. bring me to slumber. wake me up around 4am.. walk me to work, see you later.

My schedule adherence is at it’s A. Not for a minute,a sec, or a mili-sec, never been late again.

Kudos to? a friend. introduced by someone not worth mentioning. but thanks, anyway *asshole.

This is not ordinary.

not platonic, not intimate.

Whatever it is goin on, it’s a question i do not wanna ask myself.

to good to cherish. too real. too “us” in a different kinna way.

pak to the shet. pakshet.