faack the feeling. for real.

clean yellow&light blue striped polo.

ugly jeans.

an hhhmmm type of rubber shoes.

his moles in the face.

the Not So Tall him.

He just said “can i give you my first born child?” mimicking what his caller told him on the phone. and he looked freaked out.

the Rolex. well, hmm his dad’s Rolex. (he said so)

triceps.

his skin.

ima stop now.

Zizou’s gonna kill me.

Zizou’s first day was my first day.

The nine months were over.

March 29, 2007 was way passed the expected March 23 expected delivey date (edd). but as they say it could come as early as two weeks before edd or two weeks after. after could be panicky. i did panic. So i went to see my doctor again, had the usual IE’s she does to monitor the cervical opening. and she said im bound to be induced if the cervix still not opening any bigger. she planned to induce me sometime very early April. but my mind says No, the baby shoud be out even before April comes, i wanna see it so bad plus it’s getting heavier and stretchmarks are coming out plus i felt pressured,everyone kept texting if has gone out already. After the check up, i felt pain in my abdomen, and that’s normal, and to make it like the usual, if i pee there must be a sting blood that goes with it. but that night, that din’t happen, and the abdomen pain kept going. Me and my Mom went around the neighborhood walking, y’know excercise. When we got back at my pad, the pain was still there, it shoud’ve been long gone 5hours after the IE. then it had intervals. Mom asks : any back pains?. I said None. but the pain keeps going, i din’t wanna stand to eat dinner. i was just therelying in bed, savouring the three minute interval of pain. no back pain. just there. Mom says : grab the baby bag and we’ll go to the hospital. Then i said: No, not yet. this is nothing. this will end. Mom : Let’s Go. Then off we went.

9:00pm — we were at the hospital. i was IEed by some resident doctor. Cervical opening was just 3cm, it’s ok not to be admitted yet, but the doctor said my tummy was too hard, and the contraction intervals din’t seem normal. and CS became an option. but we had to wait for my doctor to decide. so there at the labor room, i had IV’s and oxygen (my heart wasn’t really responding well, i was nervous) and some belt that monitored Baby Inside.  The abdominal pain was getting alot painful. it was tolerable but yes, it was painful.

March 30,2007 — My doctor IEed me again, still 3cm. Baby Inside was as hard as rock inside. The doctor knew that baby wanted to get out but my cervix wasn’t dilating easily. Then at 6:00am i had breakfast, then i was induced an hour after. Doctor said : If this induction does not work, then we’re taking him out through the belly. CSection. i was just lying there, thinking  : general aneasthesia through the back bone. my intestines out while they pull out the baby. ripped belly. and stitched afterwards. longtime pain after the aneasthesia wears off. bed rest after operation. it’s gonna be scary. but at the back of my mind i know he’s gonna come out normal, in my canal. Then good news : my cervix was responding really well, next thing i knew my waterbag broke and cervix opening really fast, and the pain was super. i was drugged up with pain relievers. i was high, but the pain was at it’s highest as well. what more if i had back pains?.. laslas

12:35noontime — i was wheeled to the delivery room. and was asked to hold on a few more minutes, my doctor was on her way. i was ready. then after Three Times of  Holding My Breath and Pushing, Neli Gabriel Zizou was crying, he was finally out. and all the pain was flushed out of my system.

I AM A MOM now. he was placed peacefully at my chest after his first bath, and that was the sweetest thing that ever happened to me, next to having a life.

He’s such an adorable baby. i told myself over and over again. telling everyone. texting everyone.

Yes, i know, im a mom. proud as i was for nine months. and will forever be.

The first night i slept with my baby was overwhelming. that night i knew i wasn’t alone. will never be.

Noone can take him away from me. I may be far from him in time, but he’s mine.