is he my very own Mr. Big?

at exactly 6:00pm MNL today, i received a message from One True Love.

mustah bai?

i cannot reply. one : no load at my Smart. two : im at werk. three : i have a Globe, and i can text from there. i dunno, but something is keeping me.

He never texts first, based on experience. it was always me who does the musta bai’s, aha ka’s, eat naka’s .. etc. me=mushy slash kinna possesive. hehehe

and for long long long months of no contact at all, here he goes.

 i am having a baby, and he just had his.[well , his wife did]

few days ago i remember him texting that he was with his cousin–drinking..

then he asked for my email so he could send me updates from there.

why are these things happening now?..

Is my One True Love bored with the life he chose?..

or was he able to watch the entire SATC, and decided to play the Mr. Big on me if i was Carrie Bradshaw? ..

I am dang confused.

My everdearest One True Love,

If i have been given the chance to do a role at SATC, i am not Carrie, so stop being Mr. Big. I can be Miranda Hobbes, but y’know very well that you ARE NOT my Steve.

Let me know what’s up with you and the constant texts.

i’m scared. but whatever it is, the i’d-still-say-yes portion of my heart is up for it.

always,

Me.

heeeelllllppppp!! =(

im a bitch. noooo… it’s just that One True Love is different.

nothing compares. not even any guy who has Eclipse or Acer ferrari Laptop, or two house guards on duty all the time – read : “among guards” sure, YOURS.. hahaha. — hun, you will always be my baby’s dad, and noone can change that. but your habits? the attitude? you can KICK it. we all know reality bites, but if you don’t accept it that way, then it’s not just gonna bite, it’s gonna STING. and me and your baby’s not making it STING us too. boohooo..

One True Love. you see, it’s still you. and y’know that.

No, my Baby is not a mistake, this was what i was waiting for.

maybe a change for the better, maybe for you to realize that you lost me somewhere down the way, you took the wrong turn and lost me, so now that you’ve realized, is this it? are you getting back with me on the track?.. faa  aaa  ccckkkkk. ick

OTL versus Sinulog

My 2006 Sinulog was full of calls. means, i was at werk. so fun? NO. but the day before the event itself, i remember i got to hang owt at HapJaps with Davao friends, namely : Nino Tiongson and his friends. hahah nice try for the “namely:” thing there. well, anyway, i also had a li’l of Starmart mango and saw the early Sunday procession hitting Jones big roads.. And a li’l cuddlin in the mid of the road, near the traffic light. intrigued? that was history. *wink*

So what about Sinulog 2007? FUN.  It was the usual Table 7 slash Starbucks slash IT park slash Pump slash Road Tripping with friends slash Lashans slash Mcdonald’s kinna thing slash witching at Dessert Factory slash tambay at Shell Lahug, but this time, people around are getting doubled! Cute guys here, and the uglies still there,plus lola and tito’s in the club, plus baby in tow hitting the beat and Dj-ing. [that's me,hahah] Things were just getting giddy and busy and exciting and everyday booming. Everybody was waiting for January21! Pit Senor.. =) aside from the rest of the Queen City, there were two people i know expecting that day,  me : for the pre-sinulog parties  and vinz : it’s his birthday. me greet? yes, me greet. he’s my baby’s dad, c’mon people. and Long Lost Dudie suggested i greet him. wether or not i get a reply. it’s just a greeting anyway, as he said.

few hours before 12mn stroke to hit the Sinulog day, i was having my late dinner at Dessert Factory with Sarah. and those hours, fulfilled my the entire festivity for me. not the food,not the people, not Cebu, not those two put*ngjerks in the restaurant talking crap. it was One True Love. he texted me. i could faint. it’s not so him.

from : 092*757****

musta bai?txt lang sa ta ha?*j – that’s his name.

i was like? is this for real?him texting me? i was the happiest person on earth! Tin’s autism was migrating into my system. hahaha.

One True Love. you will always be my Aidan, if i was Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City.

But since i am kikit, you are my Bai, i am your Bai..

so there, back to reality? hmmm.. we texted the  night through. =) i was at Loft, but my mind was in Malaybalay, sitting right next to him watching Dejavu. that was Sinulog for me. before and after the midnight.

Oh Loft, it is. Andy Calingin was there, Pj- the Site din. James Jaro too! with Bullet Jaloshawtness. and the autism? went back to Tin after the pose she and John Hall made for the *click*’s.. officemates were all-over, so with  cuties and uglies,Cebuanos and Nowhere-anos, mixed mixed mixed to partey. it was as if they were partying because me and One True Love, back in the saddle of the uniqueness of our story. hahahhaha! shoot me, nagparty tanan kay Sinulog!!!! gibati sad ko dah! =)

aaawww.. next few hours after that, was the big day. street dancing. but i was home, still floating. so what if it was my baby’s dad birthday? it was the re-birth of one true love back on my mobile, letting me know and feel he’s just simply there.

am i still hangin into this feeling or will i have to let it go?..

i thought i wanted closure, it was the best time to shoot it na sana.

but i chickened out. thank God, there’s such thing as chickening out. hahaha.

i am savouring our two different worlds. me and him. but at the back of our minds and hearts, we both know there’s this space for us. but maybe this time, with our each others kids.

nothing changed, we just had babies. and we wished we were the family.

don’t shoot me. This is life.

OTL. on the loose, still.

Today, i missed the chance to talk to One True Love. He wanted to talk to me. i received the message an hour late.

after 5months of not seeing [the last time was the huggy april 22nd of 2006] and talking [last was 2hours before getting the result of my lab test to wether or not preggy,aug 2nd 2006 (he's not the dad but i wanted him to know)] with each other, bukidnon and cebu [calculate the distance] after the three-year affair [ so  much love and some petty crazy warsy],

i would not hesitate to talk to him if he asks for it,anytime.

but i missed the chance. FUCK! i feel like crying forever.

i know it’s worng, he knows it too. But God, why can’t we talk for a closure? or for a.. i dunno.

Now, i come to realise.. even if i have Baby Inside in tow. after all that One True Love is into now :

is he really now a One True Love or

still my One True Love?

just shoot me.

drum rolls to Boredom.

 

last cigarette: aug. 01,2006. i gave up the thing for Baby Inside.
last kiss: November 8, 2006. ain’t i a b? hehehe. no wey.
last good cry: january 14,2007
last library book checked out:Chicken Soup for the Mother’s soul.STC lib.tnx Chabelita!
last movie seen: ShortBus
last cuss word uttered: animas!
last beverage drank: some canned juice from Pump
last food consumed: Ila PUti’s something
last crush: Long Lost Dudie (code name)
last phone call: Jeffrey Casino (cellphone)
last time showered: This morning.
last shoes worn: lacoste easy-wearin shoes
last cd played: nah.
last item bought: cellcard.
last downloaded: nah.
last annoyance: going “aagggeeeyyyy” with fellow night-outerz
last disappointment: hmmm.. ??
last soda drank: coke
last thing written: this?
last key used: house key.
last word spoken: “bye” to my last caller.
last sleep: 8:00a- 11:01a today
last im: luckyyap
last weird encounter: a friend confessing her real identity or job, that is.
last ice cream eaten: hot fudge sundae, mcdo
last time amused: just now, Baby Inside is so giddy go movey! tummy outta shapey.
last time scolded: last August, after “Confessions of a drama Queen : Pa, Im pregnant!” epish
last time resentful: hmmm…
last chair sat in: computer chair.
last lipstick used: Victoria’s Sec – tnx Mitz.
last shirt worn: Black Loft shirt
last time dancing: Lastnight at PUMP
last webpage visited: wordpress.com
last headache: in 5 minutes

the bridges after the night-out.

me and Zizou went home from a great pumpin night with the ladies around 7:30a.

rested for three good hours. the day before was a pillowfest. so np. =)

when i woke up the minute after the third hour, my Zizou was kicking, giddy and all. 

i carresed my tummy. smiled.

tears went down my cheeks.

I stopped and looked back at the bridges I burned the day I said : “I’m gonna give this baby the life he deserves,with or without his dad.”… There were a lot.

It doesn’t matter now.

it doesn’t matter. 

Me and Zizou, starting to kick it together.
 

7year old kid = the uncle’s friends. ?!

  We were walking at the mall, then he saw a wedding gown worn by a pretty manequine at some boutique.

“Pakaslan tika, love.” he said to me. i was stunned.

very sweetly said . and very handsome. and very 7years old.

that was some time last November, 2006. he’ll be 8 this year.

and i’m pretty sure that phrase will come around again 20 more years from now, not for me anymore.. =) but atleast i was the first who got that proposal.

he has brothers! grade 6 yata and  a 3year old cutie.

he has an uncle. but you don’t wanna know him.

but the uncle has friends.

and that’s where the story begins! woot woot!

another something.

A – Available/Single? None of the choice.

B – Best Friend? one true love.

C – Cake or Pie? Cake!

D – Drink Of Choice? Water. im preggy now.

E – Essential Item You Use Everyday? lotion, Victoria’s Secret -pear glace

F – Favorite Color? Colors of Summer!

G – Gummy Bears Or Worms? bears.

H – Hometown? Cagayan de Oro
I – Indulgence? hmmm..
J – January Or February? February hearts month.

K – Kids & Their Names? Having one on March. Neli Gabriel Zizou.

L – Life Is Incomplete Without? Internet and mobile phone

M – Marriage date? never thought of that
N – Number Of Siblings? 1.

O – Oranges Or Apples? Apples of course…

 
P – Phobias/Fears? Snakes..and centipedes

Q – Favorite Quote?
R – Reason to Smile? currently Baby Inside –> Baby Gab

S – Season? Summer

T – Tag 4 or 5 people? tin, mitz.. just two
U – Unknown Fact About Me? too private..
V – Vegetable you don’t like? i love veggies

W – Worst Habit? nothing at the moment
X – X-rays You’ve Had? sometime july last year

Y – Your Favorite Food? French Fries

Z – Zodiac Sign? raging bull – taurus.

subma submarine!

the submarine fixing the underwater cables of PI’s internet connennect? N.A.G.U.B.A!

Me and Sarah? lurving every minute of it! new year? new verbiage? “Thank You for calling Expedia.com . We apologize for the inconvenience. Unfortunately we are having internet server disruptions due to the 7.1 intensity earthquake in taiwan, they already sent out submarines to fix underwater cables, however, one got busted. i hope you’d be very patient on this. An option would be for you to hang up and dial again,  hopefully you’d be routed to our America-based centers and they will be able to assist you accordingly. Thank you for your patience. Thank you for calling expedia.com. Happy new year!”

haha! we gotta live with it. natural occurences. quakes and the likes. woot woot.

2006..has just signed off.

to 2006 : thanks for everything

* end of One true Love. for good.

* met new friends.

* got   . yes, thanks 2006.

and goodbye.

to 2007 : be ready!!!! me and my baby’s gonna have a blast outtuv you.

Just wanna thank my crew : the best of the best.

♫ Shiela Boo – Fabie stories never fade. you’re inlove. and we’re at your back. woohoo. welcome to expedia. welcome to cebu. welcome to independence. embrace embrace! 

♫ Dotty bes –  Sam is louy that you had to leave him. but — Cdo is just a boat away!! hehe. welcome to independence.  welcome to the Outsource World. hugs and hugs!

♫ Mitzil — We made it through 2006. there were sad days and the likes, but it din’t sulk that way til the end, it got alot better!! and it became the best before 2006 gave the fireworks it’s way to 2007.  let’s keep those sweet memories with us, and let go of the fake fake fake one, for good. i just found out your car’s name is Brian. sorry sa scratch Bri. sniff.  Hey mitz, we made it. and your camera captured everything, and my mouth has all the stories. and our hearts had it all. glad to have spent the first few 2007 hours withcha. hahay. emo.

♫ Tin — NUHHHH??? =) this year i want you to stand up and learn how to fight back if there’s a need to. but if not, i can be alot meaner for you and do the fights. hehehehe. it’s weird how you always get into a WAR, yet you don’t know how to fight back. lol. hmmmm.. i mishur ass, get back here. it’s 2007 in CEBU tin. like it’s not in cdo?! haha. Guys are hawter here dibah?.. Zizou!

♫ Rj — at bakit sa pictures nalang kita nakikita ate? paramdam kahit konti. happy new year.

♫ Ramy — Thankee sa friendship. si dudie bah, hawt! hehehe. di mag shinumpilat! =) guide me and Mitz, we’re gonna get to that field after i give birth to the new Zizou.. soccer mi. *wanna go tin?* mag studs ha? way stilletos for football.

♫ Creo — Shumpels! shumpelatz! shumpelaternz! FOREX reprezant! =) laughter is the best meydeseyn. wakekekeke.

♫ Sarah – “i-release” hahaha. thankee for appreciating the Evil Me.

♫ Dudie — The first guy  in cebu that i knew outside office vicinity.Your body is a wonderland. Keep it up. thanks sa friendship dudie. =)

♫ Vinz – Gab is the best thing that happened. and will always be. Heard of the New Year? time to renew. Live it right this time.

♫ My li’l Bf’s Chiching & Ethan and to Cj and Angelique — you filled up the homesickness i feel towards my nephies and nieces back home. sweet sweet kids.

and to those who passed by and filled the glass with  . and drank it with me. “put your hands in the air” thing.  and those who   with the beat.  francis — we’re crossing our fingers para maging NARS ka na, tama na ang pangkabuhayan showcase, trip ka pa naman ni tin2x. Laurence — mag longsleeves ba sa BTC. lol.  Jory — official stipper kuno! . Athea/Anthea — was your friend lesbian? and how did you become Athea if your real name is Mary Ann Ligad? kakaiba, but all is good. “you’re bringing a baby in the club?” like i have a choice Matthew. Maryheart — we’re coming to Macau soon. or get ur ass here ate! Manong Sinangag Express — im not malditah! hmmp. To all those innocently walking and was teased and tripped by us, SORRRYY!! more to come. just make sure you don’t jog too early or walk that sidewalk near convention center! haha. To the – we’re gonna get cary car side mirror soon! bleeh! to the KIKI’s and KEKWA’s who were chaka — do something, so you won’t get kanchawed or atleast we would try to look at you. Sa mga  — thanks for mixing the Fraps and for the receipts,  the Planner is making me do alot of things, busy busyhan ha, Starbucks last ka nalang. lol. To my Supervisors or to the Office itself, sorry kse kahit first day ng year now, i got late. To my callers now, sorry i can’t do anything more, internet connection is at it’s worst, blame it to Taiwan. To abuhan and orange brutus — two thumbs up for you cruel-hearted owners since they got people working on holidays, atleast we can eat! To those not mentioned, yesterday was yesterday, and the fireworks closed it, welcome to 2007.  BOOOMM!!!

2006.. has just signed off.

sniff. sniff.